“It’s been 84 years…”

Since my last NNWM. I’ve not even checked back and I lost all my WIP documents, it’s okay, they all need rewrites from scratch and I think start over anyway. But yeah, the page now looks very very different and I don’t really know if I need it anymore, the community’s not the same either so it’ll likely be a completely new crowd if I even decided to go in it which, because I’m all socialed out, I probably won’t go into the forums either.

I continued since though to write snippets. And anything else I liked. Basically what happens with me, is I am usually not real ambitious but I do like to do things for myself so I rest and sleep and try to recenter back to what makes me happy again.

(I still have never been published.)

Postscript

I never got around to edits. This is what happened instead: I was well and truly spent and thinking, “I guess I’m not a novelist.”

And I guess somewhere along the way my inner critic climbed on top of that: “Maybe you’re not a writer either. Ever think of that?”

IV (Final year)

I don’t remember anymore what I did for year 4, I only remember I attempted it. I decided: Nanorebelling. I’m just going to write crap from my head. All I remember is this: I did it on a First Gen iPad in the Notes application and mostly from my bed.

And then I burned out truly, and thought: Oh god, that’s enough, I think I’ve burned through all I can, I need to rest and then perhaps I can start actually doing research or editing.

II/III.

Year Three.

(I completed Year 2 by the way by again throwing everything out and just frantically typing. That seems my style for November. There are plot holes and gaping holes everywhere and during the month it’s always rollercoaster. In fact I think I plum gave up when I started struggling and then with I can’t remember… was it a week or four days left? I threw caution to the wind and just started typing.)

—

Year Three: Ok I don’t remember details but I do remember this, either in year three or four (I think it was year three) I ended up with the SILLIEST idea and just wanted to do something? So… I found a way to cut it in HALF and this is what I did. Not only was the concept silly, I had a story within a story. I found this super cheap quality free to use voice to text transcription… and I had my MP3PLAYER/Recorder still from college lectures. So… what I did was… I would have two microphones and I’d just speak off the cuff like dictation. The way the story in story goes is that the MC was a writer, a harried one, who was also using this crap transcription thing, to do NNWM (meta… very meta… is that the word? LOL I haven’t used that word or spoken of THIS idea to anyone.) during his or her work breaks. So… you’d get the stream of conscious thought or what they really want to write, and then in parallel chapters, you’d get the garbled type. And That helped me out immensely and it was REALLY Random, but the thing or reason why I was doing this was because I needed some way to aggregate the number of words ANYWAY.

~Next Year 4~

II.3

I wasn’t keen on going to another one, another meet I mean. I definitely had sophomore problems or something I guess and it felt (like I predicted) like I was right as well that since my sister and her friend had tried and failed (they were busier though) to reach 50k their first year they were more on track on this one.

But I’m a haphazard artist. I’m scattered in my writing too. I’m much more adept at snippets, homeless things I wanted to find homes to. And this (year two) was something new. So… I think what happened was this:

I tried to do as others do and use October to plan things. So, I tried to put together a bit of an outline as far as I could but I had to throw it out later. ^^;

Year One felt very Runescape but becomes not MMO.

Year Two was more SciFi? And also… another story I wanted to kind of to parallel… maybe what I wanted in mine?

Basically it was this: Two friends who start on a fire escape (maybe I was still sort of thinking just a bit of Tenessee Williams Glass Menagerie) and maybe… _duckie pajamas?_ *face palm* I don’t knoooowwwwww. I Can’t Remember! I don’t have the document!

Anyway because of the NNWM meet, um, one guy had this idea of a NNWM challenge/dare (There’s a Forum for Dares by the way, and plot bunnies, and plot cats) of “JASPER THE TALKING HAMSTER” and I’m like… uh… ok. I already have an idea of my story though… do I make him a commercial or someone’s pet? I cannot ask him this (it’s free for all do what you like, bonus points sort of this XD) I just make a mental note of that to put in later if I like or maybe if I get stuck instead of… NNWM suggestions at the time were: if you get stuck: Throw in Ninjas. If you can’t get out: Cliff shakes, rocks fall, EVERYBODY DIES, START OVER.

Year Two, P2

Year Two was interesting for me but more because of so many things. We didn’t Really fit in with the rest but we noticed many sort of mini circles inside it anyway and nobody knew each other before so it was kind of just that way.

We didn’t attend the write-ins, we didn’t have time nor want, and we preferred to write alone anyway, so actually my sister became more active on the general forums and I didn’t have time to check either but I didn’t fit in with the locals either so if I ever did it would be her thread and that was nice but I never did join in.

(Yes, this will be in fragments, I think I’ll copy paste them all together into one much later.)

Year Two

Year Two was this…

A nearly miss.

I wasn’t Sure I could do it. See, I had heard already now that there’s a Sophomore Slump in the second year usually. But my sister and her friend who had tried it too last year had wanted to try again and we all had time (SORT OF) and also we found the regional group and I think it was the first time we had one.

So… we went to the first and kind of thought “Are we… Wrimos? Or Nanos?” and because of a Candy name here instead, sort of also like how she likes “Me-Me” over Meme? Nano-ers sounded less odd than Wrimos did! But we used neither and simply asked: “Where is this meet in MPH?” (Heh.)

~Year Two Continues~

Please, Switch Off the Tap

(Channel unsure. Chat or Audio? Notes: decide later, content first.)

FMC: Why are you still reading this? I’d like to know, no really.

MC: I’m…

MC gulps, glad she cannot see him.

MC: I’m concerned I guess.

FMC: Why are you concerned? Believe me. I’m fine. No really I am.

MC: You. Don’t. Sound. Fine.

(Full stops to make it sound firm.)

FMC: When have I ever lied to you?

(Switches into italics, he doesn’t want to say this, so it comes in his thoughts / voice over)

MC: You always do. Or you always did at least.

FMC: I guess you’re right.

FMC sighs.

FMC: Lie by omissions, deceptive.

MC: Are you alright? (I’m concerned.)

FMC: I’m just real tired, honest, specific.

(Italics)

FMC goes quiet. Silhouette. Camera shows her back, she’s on the phone. She lowers her head. Her hand is on her face.

FMC: I don’t want to talk anymore.

MC: Is it something I said? (Or something… I didn’t say?)

FMC: No… no it’s not that. It’s not you in fact. I’m. So. Damn. Tired.

FMC takes a breath and looks up but still the camera cannot see her face.

FMC: The world is so noisy. My neighborhoods don’t feel safe or calm or peaceful in any way. I’m not in a warzone, ok? It’s just noise. It’s always been that way.

FMC: My life has always been noisy. So I find simple refuge and retreat. That’s actually why I like to _type._ I like to write. I like to read.

…”It’s not you. It’s the world. There’s so much dysfunction in it. Technology… is great and all, but why can’t people just SLOW DOWN, notice tone… notice pain. People are still dealing with their own things. The world doesn’t stop for that. Social Media…”

FMC looks to the side.

…”Feels so fractured. But I’ve never let that bother me. I use mine so differently.”

A different voice, MC2: “Are you ok?”

A different time.

(Twitter DM alert sounds)

“Yes… I think I am–” (typing sounds stop. Deletes.) “Why are you asking me that?”

“You don’t sound yourself.”

‘You know me too damn well.’

(“I’ve known my friend a good long time.”)

“Are you OK?”

‘What can I say? Alright… I never lie outright, but lets… see… I’m not even really sure, alright, what exactly is wrong with me. But we’re both so analytical, and he really is my friend. Platonic, not romantic, I don’t look at him like that. But I’ve got to stop hiding now, he has the right to know, at least enough to show me care, he deserves it and we already broke one dam before, I think maybe… he can handle one more. And he’s not so stupid as to get confused as to what our relationship is. Hmmm. What do I know, that’s actually true, why am I feeling like this?’

(Twitter DM sound)

“I threw up in the sink earlier. It’s probably that that’s messing me up. It’s not fun, the smell is worse, and it’s kind of a pain to clean.”

“Oh. I get that. OK. When is the next feeding?”

She chuckles a little bit. ‘Oh my fuzzy friend, my little guinea pig. I’m not a mad scientist now am I?’

“I think tomorrow? I don’t feel well, and I should really get to sleep.”

“OK, take care. I’ll send you a cat gif?”

(A caring cat gif pops up.)

She smiles. And sighs a little but it’s happier. (‘I’m glad I know you too. I wonder though, a little bit, how did our friendship survive when sometimes it feels like nothing else did.’)

The Twitter bird flies away.

She’s alone again. She puts her phone away and rests her chin on her hand, her eyes are closed, her face is sad.

‘I miss my friends. All of them. The fictional ones too I guess. For a long time in fact I thought they were mad, I thought my muse had left me. I burned out on Nanowrimo, doing it more times than necessary. But I simply wanted to be writing again so I just kept doing it. Each year I did was stressful good, each year I did alone. Each year I did… something different. It’s kind amazing to look back on.

My first year was this, I was playing Runescape then. I feel as though the story though… (voice sounds puzzled, face seems a little perplexed) oddly sounds very like Free Guy does but in a different setting.

I could not really connect the dots to how I wanted to finish, so it kept– I’m not a plotter, I don’t have time for that. So I’m always writing by the seat of the pants, and this is how it went:

The beginning was fine, the second week too, sort of I guess. I always start struggling to keep it up but that sounded normal too.

I kept adding cast and side quests because I couldn’t find the Epic. But I didn’t even have that term until years later in fact.

And I did write enough to get to 50k, but I also did figure out a little of how it ends.

So it truth… although… I thought I failed, I guess I really didn’t?

But, okay, I won’t edit, I’m supposed to take a break anyway.

~To Be Continued~

Protected: Fictional Creatures, Modern Day / Urban Fantasy

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I need…

To Print things.

(Huh?)

Not publish. I mean just a physical copy because I never found a program adept enough or fluid and UI intuitive enough that’s free to let me edit my work with scribblings everywhere. So I take a pen, sometimes highlighters, I used to use pencils too (I prefer a mechanical pencil), and print things out or I write everything by hand. But my hand is tired, too tired to write the amount I need, I kind of wish I had a typewriter, but I think it’s so hard to get an ink ribbon. I want something analog I guess or not bright pixels instead. Maybe I should go back to writing– er, audio noting, but I need to find something like an auto transcribe that works for me.

I don’t think the Kindle I have has a word processer function so even that won’t work for me, but maybe that’s something to consider in the future.

Things, old devices, just usually come to me when the previous owner upgrades. And then they stay with me until they die and then get new life as either props or dismantled and used again into some other thing.